Well, well, well, the day started just like any other, but you wouldn’t believe the lengths I’ve gone to get a glimpse of Old Nan’s mysterious meeting with these dwarves. I’ve put my culinary skills to the test, not to please their palates but to lure them into my web of tantalizing aromas. My pièce de résistance today is a Meat Pie fit for the stoutest of dwarves – or so I hoped.
I slaved away in the kitchen, putting love and, well, more love into this dwarven delight. Little did I know, I’d overestimate the stubbornness of a dwarf’s nose – or maybe it’s my cooking skills that are underestimated. I thought that if I opened every door and window and let that delicious scent drift through every nook and cranny of Nan’s Manor, surely those bearded folk would follow their noses, straight into my culinary trap.
As I was busy in the kitchen, I didn’t realize that Old Nan had already set up camp in the Common Room, regaling her guests with tales of adventures, daring deeds, and ancient mysteries. The dwarves were right there, listening to her every word, enjoying some small talk with other Manor guests. And where was I? With a pan in one hand and my heart’s desires in the other, I stormed out of the kitchen, seeking answers from none other than Mr. Loman Muckbuckle.
“Where are they, Mr. Loman?” I demanded, exasperation oozing from every pore. “I have a fresh Meat Pie waiting for them. They promised to give me the location if I cooked them a proper dwarven meal, and it smells heavenly, I must say!”
Imagine the scene: I demanded answers, exasperation oozing from every pore, and the whole Common Room filled with curious eyes as I ranted and raved, inquiring about the whereabouts of the dwarves.
But here’s where it gets interesting, my friends, as everyone saw me in all my flustered glory. The whole scene was like a play, and I was the star – not that I wanted to be.
In a split second, I pulled myself together and, like any good actor, decided to play my part to perfection. Approaching the dwarves, I nodded as if I hadn’t been in a tizzy moments ago and, with the Meat Pie in hand, presented myself as an adventurer of the highest order, someone who had been to Gauntlgrym three times (yes, three!), and not afraid of the challenges it posed.
I regaled them with stories of daring deeds, shared a few self-invented battle cries, and left them with an enigmatic grin, murmuring something about seeking advice from Old Nan, or any other would-be adventurer for that matter, being the wrong course. With a jaunty salute, I bid them farewell and retreated to the Kitchen to finish my masterpiece.
The dwarves were surely bewildered, but who could resist a Meat Pie like this one? It was, after all, the best way to leave a lasting impression.
Ingredients:
For the Pie Crust:
- 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup unsalted butter, cold and cubed
- 6-8 tablespoons ice water
For the Meat Filling:
- 1 pound beef stew meat, diced into small cubes
- 1 pound pork stew meat, diced into small cubes
- 1 onion, finely chopped
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 carrot, finely chopped
- 1 celery stalk, finely chopped
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
- 1 cup beef broth
- 1 cup pork broth
- Salt and pepper, to taste
- 1 sprig fresh thyme
Directions:
Step 1: Stoking the Hearth and Heart
Before beginning your culinary adventure, stoke your hearth or preheat your trusty oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit (175 degrees Celsius). Remember, the heart of any Dwarven dish lies in the fire and passion with which it’s prepared!
Step 2: Crafting the Pie Crust
Now that your oven is preheating, begin by preparing your pie crust. In a mixing bowl, combine the all-purpose flour and salt. Gradually cut in the cold butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. A pastry cutter or two forks work well for this task.
Sprinkle cold water over the mixture, a tablespoon at a time, and toss gently with a fork until the dough comes together. Be cautious not to add too much water; the goal is to create a dough that’s just moist enough to form a ball.
Split the dough into two even portions. On a floured surface, roll out one of the portions into a round shape that fits your pie dish.
Step 3: The Grand Dwarven Assembly
Now that your crust is prepared, line your deep pie dish with one of the rolled-out crusts. You’ll use the other later to top your delectable Dwarven delight.
Step 4: Mingle the Meats and Spices
In a large mixing bowl, combine the hearty chunks of beef, tender lamb, and savory pork. Sprinkle them with the ancient herbs and spices passed down from the Delzoun heritage. Give it all a good toss, allowing the spices to embrace every morsel.
Step 5: Assembling the Dwarven Delight
Fill your pie crust-lined dish with the mixed meats and spices, creating a generous mound within. Now, pour in the rich beef broth, allowing it to seep through the meat and spices, creating a flavorful masterpiece.
Step 6: Sealing the Deal
It’s time to place the second rolled-out crust over the savory meat filling. Pinch the edges together to seal the pie, and cut a few slits in the top crust to allow the steam to escape during baking.
Step 7: Baking in the Hearth
Place your assembled pie on a sturdy oven rack. Bake for about 45-55 minutes or until the crust is golden brown, and the savory aroma fills the kitchen.
Step 8: Revel in Dwarven Delight
Remove your Dwarven delight from the oven and let it rest for a while. Then, slice into it, and relish the rich, meaty goodness within. It’s a dish that speaks volumes of Delzoun craftsmanship.
Serve it up, enjoy the hearty flavors, and remember, while a Dwarf might have made it a little heartier, there’s a bit of dwarven delight in all of us. May your pie be meaty, your gravy hearty, and your guests as easy to find as a hidden treasure chest.
